My Subconscious Likes Dish Soap
by SociallyUnacceptableGinger
Summary: Pre-movie. Roxanne wakes up to a noise in her apartment. She gets up and heads to her living room. The sight that awaits her when she rounds the corner is definitely not one that she would have expected. Much Romance and awkward mornings. Tehe :D
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I OWN NOTHING! Megamind belongs to dreamworks! *_Though I cry every night, wishing I owned __it*_**

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><p>A crash is what she awoke to. She jumped up and glanced at the clock<em>. Three in the morning, Jesus! <em>She cursed quietly and grabbed her baseball bat under her bed. _Whoever this is better be ready to get their head bashed in!_ She thought angrily, walking on light feet towards her living room. When she rounded the corner, the last thing that she expected to see was Megamind sitting 'crisscross applesauce' on her floor in the darkness. _What the hell is he doing here, is this one of his "unpredictable" night kidnappings?_ He was staring at her wall, rocking back and forth with what looked like a bottle of Dawn dish soap between his legs. She stared at him disbelievingly. _Is he drinking that?_ She approached him slowly, like you would a dangerous animal. **(I never got that phrase, why the hell would you approach a dangerous animal?)** He still wouldn't look at her even though she was right next to him now.

"Megamind" She tried getting his attention.

No response. She tried again, a little louder.

"Megamind"

Nope. She growled in frustration, poking him in the side.

He didn't even flinch.

She gave up trying to get his attention gently.

Dropping to her knees in front of him, she grabbed his shoulders and shook him. Suddenly, he startled awake and pushed her off him. She fell on her back with a thud; he was immediately over her with his fist pulled back. Her eyes widened in fear. _Is he going to hit me? _ Something must have clicked inside his head because he brought his hand down beside her head and gasped.

"Roxanne!"

He helped her up and looked her over.

"Are you okay? I didn't hurt you, did I?"

Roxanne shook her head, amazed that he was showing concern for her well being. She knew that he would never intentionally hurt her, but he had never been like this before. She watched as he looked around with a bewildered expression, his eyes finally found hers. They were filled with confusion.

"Why am I in your apartment?"

She looked at him pointedly.

"You tell me"

He threw his arms up helplessly.

"I don't how I got here!"

She groaned, rubbing her arm absentmindedly.

"I don't know either! I heard something and came out here. When I got to the living room I saw you on the floor, rocking back and forth. You looked like you were on crack or something-"

He sent her a look at that.

"-I tried to get your attention, but you just sat there and stared at the wall. It was really creepy! And when I got you to snap out of it, that's when you attacked me."

He looked at her sheepishly.

"Sorry about that"

She nodded and looked at the bottle of dish soap on the floor.

"And I think you were drinking that"

A pause.

"I was wondering what that taste was"

She snorted.

He spoke again, his voice confused and disgusted.

"I think I mixed it with apple juice"

She blinked at him.

"Okay, that's not weird" She said sarcastically.

An awkward silence passed between them.

She broke it first.

"Why don't you sit down, I want to find out what the hell just happened"

He smiled thankfully at her before sitting down on her couch-no he flopped down on her couch, as if he was relieved to sit. _Well, he's probably tired. _She sat down next to him and looked him over; he looked as if he hadn't slept in a week. He had dark circles under his eyes and his face was pale. Without warning his eyes started closing and he passed out, right there on her couch. She stared at him with an unimpressed expression for about five minuets, only after that did she plan to move. Well she was going to move anyway, the only problem was at that her exhaustion unexpectedly decided to take over at that exact moment.

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><p><strong>R&amp;R Please, I live for feedback (Just kidding) But I really appreciate it. Tell me if you like it, or even if you don't, take a minuet and tell me what you think.<strong>


	2. Take me with you!

When she awoke, the first thing that she noticed was a weight on her lap. Already suspecting what it was, she opened her eyes. It didn't surprise her when she saw a large blue cranium resting on her lap. _He looks a lot better than he did last night. _She thought to herself while touching his cheek gently. She stopped immediately once she realized that she was technically stroking her kidnapper and the resident super villain's cheek. She looked around her living room; nothing was out of the ordinary. _At least he didn't destroy anything last night. _Her eyes fell on the dish soap that was still lying by her coffee table. It was still rather unusual to her that he mixed it with apple juice. _Who does that? _She thought skeptically. She knew that he was most likely sleepwalking, then again you never know when it comes to him, Megamind is an alien after all. She really felt bad waking him up when he looked so exhausted last night, but she knew that she had to; she wanted to find out what brought on this somnambulist adventure. She jumped when a pair of sparkly green eyes blinked open, they widened when they spotted her. She watched with fascination as he flushed a deep fuchsia and jumped out of her lap, tumbling awkwardly onto the floor in the process. She couldn't help but giggle at his antics, from his pretzel position on the floor he glared at her. This only made her laugh harder, still laughing, she put her hand down to help him. Ever the stubborn villain, he swatted her hand away and pulled himself up. She was practically wheezing as he plopped beside her with his arms crossed. _Oh god, now he's pouting._ She held her sides as her laugh turned into little giggles. Finally she stopped and beamed at him innocently. He raised a condescending eyebrow at her.

"Are you done now?"

She nodded, still smiling at him. He stared at her a moment before saying.

"Last night I was sleepwalking"

Her eyebrows went up. "Really, Okay, so you _were_ sleepwalking"

"Yes"

"Does Minion know?"

Megamind nodded at her. "He's the one who told me"

Her eyes widened in shock. "_You_ didn't know!" she asked.

"How am I supposed to know?"

She sent him a look. "Gee, I don't know" She said smartly. "Wouldn't it be fairly obvious every time you wake up in a place other than where you fell asleep?"

He shifted.

"I didn't think of sleepwalking at the time"

She smirked. "You think, Mr. Super genius"

He glared at her. "I do know what sleepwalking means, I just didn't put two and two together"

Roxanne playfully punched his shoulder, "You're losing your touch, space man"

He glared at her halfheartedly. "Well, what do you think could have caused it?"

She sighed, "Well, this is just a shot in the dark, here" She warned him, he nodded for her to continue. "But, I would say lack of sleep may have caused this"

He stroked his goatee thoughtfully "Yes, that's what I thought too"

She shrugged "Well, have you been staying up lately"

"Yeah, but I should be used to it by now, I mean I used to stay up all the time to work on projects in high school"

She deadpanned, "You mean when you weren't blowing up a classroom, the computer lab, the boys bathroom, the gym, Wayne's locker, the science lab, Mr. Hicks' car-"

He interrupted indignantly "I apologized _and_ paid for the damage!"

He crossed his arms, adding, "And I only blew up his car because he suspended me for raising my hand to go to the bathroom, I think he was racist"

Okay, she _had _to agree with him on that one. "Yeah, he was an asshole for doing that-" Suddenly she thought of something. "-But if you remember correctly, I defended you"

His expression brightened immediately. "You did! I still can't believe you cussed him out in front of the class like that"

He leaned in closer, "You were amazing" his eyes gazed into hers proudly but with a little of something else lurking in their depths.

She almost laughed at the look he was giving her. _Is he flirting with me? _"Thank you, I try to be amazing on a daily basis"

He chuckled, leaning back a little bit. He glanced at his wrist and jumped off the couch, probably a bit faster than he wanted to because he held his head for a moment. (A.N. You know, when you're laying down or something then you decide to get up really fast and your head starts spinning)

"Oh crap! It's almost noon, minion's going to have a brain aneurism"

He looked at her. "I got to go"

Without waiting for an answer he turned to leave but a rough tug on his cape caused him to fall flat on his face.

She smirked as she stood over him; he rolled over and looked up at her in shock. She leaned over him "First of all, if you're going to leave at least say goodbye and second, you should bring me with you"

He looked up at her strangely "…why?" he asked uncertainly.

She shrugged "well, I don't have work today so why not. I'll probably be saved from boredom and I also think I might die if I don't figure out why you were sleepwalking"

He raised an eyebrow. "Do you have OCD?"

Without missing a beat, she answered, "Probably, but whatever. Can I come or not?"

He got up to stand in front of her. He folded his arms and regarded her suspiciously. "Why should I bring you?"

She grinned and ran in her room, she came out a moment later. She took something out of her pocket and held it up for him to see, his eyes widened.

"Because if you don't-" She started. "-I'll show this to everyone in Metro City"

His eyes narrowed. "You wouldn't" He growled.

She batted her eyelashes flirtatiously and purred "You know I would"

He rolled his eyes. "Fine" He walked towards her balcony "let's go"

"Wait!" She called. "I have to get dressed" She gestured to her night gown and robe. "There is no way in hell I'm going out like this"

He groaned but nodded.

She ran into her room, yanking the door shut behind her. She quickly grabbed a pair of jeans and a white tank top, putting them on swiftly. She slipped into her tennis shoes and ran back into her living room.

He raised his eyebrows when he saw her. "That was fast"

She smirked "I'm good like that"

He smirked back "I bet"

She laughed and he walked out onto her balcony. She saw his hover bike sitting there and her eyes widened "You drove that while you were sleeping?"

He looked at her, his eyes were as wide as hers. "Apparently, I did"

Suddenly a voice spoke from behind them. "Well, well, well, what do we have here?"

They spun around with a gasp.


	3. Please read!

Hey everyone, I missed you!

*Dodges numerous flying objects* I know, I know, I have been gone for way too long. Im sorry, I just got my internet back, my computer was being uncooperative, and I'm working all day. I had to juggle homework into the mix as well, grrr! I know what you're thinking (EXCUSES!) But, yes, that's why I haven't been updating. IM BACK NOW THOUGH, BABY! I will have the next chapter of _My Subconscious Likes Dish Soap_ up in about an hour. I have not abandoned you or the story, my precious readers.


	4. High as a kite

**_Hey everyone! I'm so sorry about the wait, my computer started having issues again and I had to have my cousin fix it. I couldn't get it updated when I wanted too and that sucked. So here it is, I know it's short, but I almost have chapter five done and I promise it's a lot longer than this one. IM BACK!_**

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><p>There Metro Man stood-uh hovered, or maybe floated (Whatever word makes you happy) in all his heroic glory. His arms were crossed and his expression was almost mocking. "I knew it! I knew this would happen if you two ended up together!"<p>

Megamind gaped at Wayne before covering the shock with a nonchalant expression. Roxanne, on the other hand, narrowed her eyes at him. "Just what do you think happened, Wayne?"

"Well" He started, rubbing the back of his neck. "I saw his hover bike while I was patrolling the city and, thinking you were in trouble, I used my x-ray vision to see inside" He looked away. "I, uh, saw Megamind with his head in your lap, so I waited out here until morning". He sped up at the end, wanting to get the explanation over with.

Both Roxanne and Megamind stared open-mouthed at him before exclaiming simultaneously,

"No- That's not what- We weren't- Never- There's no way- NOTHING HAPPENED!"

Wayne narrowed his eyes and nodded disbelievingly "…yeah"

Megamind put his hands on his head in frustration "It's the truth!" He insisted shrilly.

Wayne just shrugged before changing the subject. "So where you guys headed now?" Roxanne answered "Were going to Megamind's lair to solve his sleepwalking problem" She smirked at Megamind's annoyed/embarrassed expression. He growled, "It's not really a big deal-" Roxanne interrupted cheekily. "Oh yeah it is, it's so bad I found him on my living room floor drinking dish soap" Wayne guffawed. Megamind was a bright fuchsia as he glared at both of them.

Wayne stopped laughing and said, "Can I come?"

Roxanne grinned. "Sure, why not?" Megamind chose that moment to exclaim. "No! I don't thing so! There is no way I'm having my enemy at _my_ lair, and he'll probably just drag me off to jail!" He huffed and crossed his arms childishly. Wayne sighed "I guess I could call a truce for the day." Megamind shook his head "still no." Roxanne grinned and looked at him smugly. Megamind rolled his eyes.

"What?" He asked with irritation. Roxanne smiled evilly at him. "That picture in my room says differently." Megamind's eyes widened before he growled, "fine." Roxanne did a little victory dance in her head. Wayne winked at her before asking, "Do you want to ride with me, Roxie?" Megamind immediately turned to glare at him and Roxanne struggled not to laugh.

"No thanks, I think I'll ride with Megamind."

She smiled at Wayne and noticed Megamind stick his tongue out at him. She smacked the back of his head.

"I'll rip that tongue out if you want to act like that!"

Megamind groaned and held his tongue. "That's fine, I think you almost made me bite it off anyway" He mumbled. Roxanne rolled her eyes.

"Are you bleeding?" She asked with an annoyed expression on her face.

"…um"

"Are you?"

"No"

Roxanne growled, "Then stop whining!"

Wayne snickered. Megamind narrowed his eyes at him before mounting his hover bike. "Well, as much as I'd love to stand here and be bitched at, I have to go tell minion im not dead." He said it smartly and Roxanne sent him a death glare.

She got on the back and reluctantly wrapped her arms around Megamind's waist. Megamind turned his attention to Wayne. "Just follow me, twinkle toes." Wayne rolled his eyes. Suddenly the ground below her wasn't there and they were flying. She screamed as they narrowly missed a building, she thought she'd caught a glimpse of some people inside staring at them with confused expressions.

Megamind yelled back at her "Sorry!" She buried her face in his back until they went down and landed. She looked up and was immediately confused.

"Why are we at a gas station?" Megamind looked at her condescendingly.

"To get gas" he answered smartly. She followed him around the bike where he put the pump in.

"In plain sight?" She asked him nervously.

He looked at her. "Do you want to fall out of the sky?" He pointed to himself with wide eyes. "Cause' I don't, and anyway were at the edge of town, not very many people come here." She shrugged.

"Megamind! Roxanne!" They both turned to see Wayne bounding (yes, actually bounding) out of the store towards them with a bag in his hand. He stopped in front of them with a thousand watt smile.

"What?" Roxanne asked warily. He pulled something out of the bag.

"They have bugles!" He stage whispered.

Megamind stared at him before saying "So…"

Wayne gasped. "I love bugles! They come in different flavors. They come in chile cheese, nacho cheese, original, sour cream and onion, salsa, smokin' BBQ, churros, southwest ranch…" Roxanne and Megamind looked at each other before she grabbed Wayne's shoulder and shook him. He looked down at her.

"What? I wasn't finished yet." Roxanne blinked.

"Wayne, are you okay" she asked with concern.

He panted "Yeah, in fact, I feel fantastic. I had a headache and I asked the guy in there what I should take. He gave me some stuff and said that if I smoke it, it'll clear my head up real fast. I still have some, see?" He pulled a little bag out of his pocket and showed them.

Megamind face palmed and Roxanne groaned. "Jesus Wayne, that's marijuana."

His face turned serious. "Oh, that's not good"

A pause.

"I'm hungry"

Megamind pointed at the bag, "Just eat your bugles"

Roxanne pulled Megamind away from Wayne. "What do we do?" She asked him. "He can't even run right, let alone fly." Megamind shook his head. "Psshh, he'll be fine, my lair's only a few blocks away." The both looked at Wayne and watched as he pretended one of the bugles in his hand was a fish.

"Okay…Maybe not" Megamind concluded. He looked thoughtful for a second before exclaiming, "I got it!"

"Got what" She asked. Megamind ran towards the store without answering. He came back out with a little red wagon and a huge grin on his face.

Roxanne immediately started shaking her head "No, hell no, no, no, no, no"

There they were, riding down the road. Megamind driving with Roxanne behind him while Wayne sits in the wagon eating bugles. (A big happy family! LOL)

The finally came to the entrance of the lair after being tortured with 'The wheels on the bus go 'round and 'round', sung by none other than the extremely strung out Wayne Scott. They walked through the hologram wall and were almost immediately met by a large swarm of brainbots. Roxanne watched as Megamind grabbed a wrench from one of the ones in the front and threw it across the room, the brainbots went after it. As they got closer to the living part of the lair, Minion came around the corner.

"Oh, Sir! You're okay!" He ran to Megamind and lifted him into a hug. Megamind laughed "Yes, Minion, I'm fine" Minion put him down. He looked behind Megamind at Roxanne and Wayne. "You didn't tell me that they were coming over, it's a good thing I just made cookies and lemonade." Wayne piped up.

"Do my ears deceive me, or did you just say you made cookies?" Minion nodded slowly. Wayne squealed like a teenage girl and ran to the kitchen. "Cookie! Cookie! Cookie! num num!" They all stared after him for a few moments before Minion turned to Megamind. "What the heck did you do while you were gone?"

Megamind shook his head. "It's a long story." Minion smiled. "I've got time."

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><p><strong><em>Review please! I love reading all of you're wonderful opinions my little gummy bears :3<em>**


	5. I'm on What?

"….Then some guy gave Wayne some marijuana, and long story short we had to pull him back in a wagon." Megamind finished leaving Minion to stare at him in shock. After a few minutes of intense staring the space fish finally asked.

"So he's drugged right now?"

"yes."

"In my kitchen."

"yup."

Minion swallowed and took a deep breath. "Just wonderful", he muttered.

Megamind smirked at him. "No worries my fishy friend, it will wear off soon enough." Minion grumbled as he stalked- well as much as one can stalk in a 400 pound robot suit- into the kitchen. Megamind smiled to himself.

Roxanne turned to him, "so what do you say we figure out how to fix your little problem?"

Megamind nodded. "Follow me." He led her to the right side of the lair towards a ridiculously large curtain. '_Stolen from a theatre probably,'_ she mused. He pulled the curtain back slightly so she could go in. There was a large wall filled with an extreme amount of ideas and blueprints. Different tools were hanging on a wall on the other side of the room. Different machines were cluttered around. Right in the middle was a ten by twelve foot computer monitor perched atop a layout of tech equipment, blinky dials as far as the eye could see. Her eyes widened. Megamind may act like a spastic dork but you can't deny that he's an intelligent spastic dork. Megaminds voice broke her trance. He pointed a blue finger at her, "You can help me, but for the love of all that is evil...Don't. Touch. Anything." He crossed his arms, daring her to argue. She mock saluted him and wandered over to the idea wall. Upon closer inspection, there were blueprints of his dehydration gun and different bots. '_Where are all the blueprints for his weapons of mass destruction?'_ Roxanne looked at him.

"Where are all your ideas for weapons?" She inquired. Megamind spared her a glance before going back to writing on his notebook. "If the weapons don't work out I scrap them," he answered simply. "I just haven't came up with any new ideas as of late."

"Oh." She looked back at the wall before deciding to watch him write instead. After waiting for what seemed like an eternity he finally looked up from his work. He sat back in his chair and sighed.

"I don't know what to do." He admitted quietly.

"Well," She ventured, "You could take some prosaic or some Zoloft, they would help you sleep." He stared at her with a look that clearly stated, 'Are you serious?' She shrugged, "Just and idea."

Megamind groaned and rubbed his eyes with the back of his hand before stating, "I'm already taking medication anyway." Roxanne's eyebrows furrowed, "What kind of medication?"

Megamind shrugged, "just some Xanax, why?"

"Considering you can't go to a doctor without people flipping their shit, you either stole or bought them from somewhere.."-Roxanne looked up from her musings. "Where did you get them?"

Megamind grew even more the confused. "There's a guy on Beach ave. that sells pills, what are you getting at?" Roxanne jumped up from leaning against his desk. Ignoring his question she asked,

"Can I see them?"

"Sure, hold on." Megamind ran through the curtain and presumably to his bathroom. A few moments later she could hear him jogging back.

"Here." He handed her what appeared to be a plastic bag filled with very small, yellow pills. She pulled one out for closer inspection. She reared back at what she saw. These were not Xanax! Not at all.

Megamind started at her sudden movement. "What! What's wrong?" Roxanne finally lifted her eyes to meet his before hesitantly explaining.

"I had taken a class in college about Pill Classification and Medication, and I remember my peers used to laugh because this was the one pill I had so much trouble identifying. Anyway, you're definitely not taking Xanax."

"What do you mean 'I'm not taking Xanax'!" He exclaimed.

Roxanne giggled nervously. "Yeah, actually, this appears to be prosthetic heroin." She looked up and his face was the perfect picture of horror.

"...WHAT?!" Megamind jumped up and began pacing and screaming. "HEROIN?! I'M TAKING HEROIN?! I'M A FUCKING ADDICT NOW! I'M GOING TO KILL SANCHEZ-OR WHATEVER HIS NAME WAS...HOLY SHIT! WHY ME?! IS THIS BECAUSE I RAN INTO YOUR CAR THE FIRST TIME WE MET, HUH, SACHEZ? IF IT IS, I'M SORRY! I NEED TO GO TO REHAB! I'M NO BETTER THAN LINDSEY LOHAN! WHAT DO-" Roxanne decided to do something about his ranting by slapping him across the face, hard. A little harder than she intended because he landed in a heap on the ground. He looked up at her with an affronted expression before exclaiming, "Ow?!"

She sheepishly helped him back to his feet. "Sorry, it was the only thing I could do to get you to shut up." She apologized. Megamind just huffed indignantly and regarded the pills on the table. "So, all this time- " He started. "I've been taking heroin and it's been...?"

"Keeping you awake." Roxanne supplied. "How long, exactly, have you been taking them?" She asked.

"About four weeks." He answered with a grim expression.

"Alright!" Roxanne clapped her hands. "I need to go on a grocery run." She started rushing towards the exit to the lair. Megamind spun around in disbelief. "RIGHT NOW?" He questioned her retreating form. "Be back in an hour!" She called back. Megamind just shook his head.

When Roxanne finally did get back she had five bags filled with stuff. She poured the bags out on the table in front of Megamind, Minion, And Wayne. They were each filled with water, exotic teas, and various forms of fruits and vegetables. Wayne-who after about three hours finally got back to normal-spoke up, "Uh, Roxie, What's up with the Farmers Market?" She looked at Megamind with an amused smirk.

"Welcome to your first day of Detox."


End file.
